Yet again too long in posting. Going through much – physically, mentally, but it has led me to a slight change in view point. The heart problems worsen, the Myeloma seems to be doing better, despite the side effects of the ‘maintenance therapy’. Indeed it has all started to get me down, so I have decided that a change in viewpoint is appropriate, not so much a ‘sod it I will just have a bloody good time’, but a ‘learn to live with it’ decision. It is what it is, and I don’t intend to get paranoid about it. If my taste buds are rubbish I will skip the red wine, stick to spicy foods I can at least taste, and welcome the weight loss – unless it gets too silly of course.
I will learn to pace myself and not feel guilty about it, I will manage the ‘specialists’ and not let them manage me – I am sufficiently knowledgeable to be an active partner, and they are both up for this.
I will not get paranoid about things – after all we are all dying! The danger is not in dying but it is in never having lived ( the life you want) – Marcus Aurelius.
Next month I will be 70 that’s a milestone for me. Aging is part of getting older anyway – the illnesses just make it more visible. Okay, my dad died recently and was 92 ……. but my mother died when she was 51. Life is what it is , ‘we can love it or list it’ ……. or leave it before we have got to the point where we feel satisfied. Being on the death bed with regrets is a fear for all of us. I have no items on my bucket list, and I consider that to be a real plus point for me….. I have done all I wanted to do . Not an exotic list of “done that, tick that one off” – but a satisfying one.
So I will just get on with it and meet the bridges I need to cross when I reach them. Fingers crossed for me??