It is a long time since my last post on this site. I will not use this page to catalogue what has been happening – simply too much, too complex, too distressing.
But I am back, although finding it hard to type because the chemotherapy (which is costing me a fortune by the way) has given me ‘peripheral neuropathy’. Essentially this means I have very little feeling in my hands or feet and lots of pain to boot. Yet another side effect which they failed to tell me about. This side effect, I have been told, will probably never go away, as it means the nerves are damaged. Nerves take an age to heal, and old folk like myself will probably not be around to see them heal. So – the Myeloma (the original culprit) caused me no pain whatsoever, but the chemo to ‘cure’ it has done me in- ruined my life.
Since Before Christmas 2014 we have had no real life, no social life, few pleasures to take us ‘away’ …….. just stress and shared angst, as well as massive bills. (.. and remember we live in Australia which has socialised medicine – my ‘private health care’ covered a lot less than I thought!!!)
The question in this blog then is simple …….. is the chemo worth it?
If quality of life is sacrificed for time, is this the right choice? We could have been enjoying life, instead we have been getting through from day to day. We could have been planning holidays, instead we have been stressed wondering what was to come next. We could have been ‘living’ an intimate, married life enjoying moments together, instead we have been consumed with simply getting through the days.
The chemo has left me with a weakened heart (now its back to the cardiologists to try and fix the damage done by the chemo) , and debilitating neuropathy which has crippled me into looking and acting like an old man.
Yes, my Myeloma cells have been pushed back, and yes I am not currently fearing an immediate collapse of my immune system …… but am I enjoying life? NO.
Was it worth it ? What do you think ?